Debunking 10 Common Misunderstandings About Positive Parenting

What does it mean to be a good parent? Positive parenting is for parents who wish to establish limits with their children in a polite and caring manner without breaking their spirits. Our children are guided on the correct road by gentle counsel and good discipline, rather than harsh consequences, screaming, or punitive punishment. Find out more about what Positive Parenting is and isn’t.

The word “positive parenting” is widely used in the parenting field; I’m sure you’ve heard it in every parenting book or magazine you’ve ever read.

Many people mock the phrase “positive parenting,” and their reply is that they feel it involves enabling your child to make decisions in your household and that your child will be raised with poor behavior, entitlement, and disrespect.

Permissive parenting is not one of the characteristics of positive parenting.

Positive parenting does not imply that you let your child(ren) pick how they want to be raised or that you give them complete control.

Positive parenting is setting limits and providing an atmosphere that allows children to express their emotions, communicate their actual selves, and grow up in a respected and caring environment. The way a parent reacts vs replies offers options, and respects their kid demonstrates to a child that they are significant.

There are no insults, no outbursts of anger, and no punitive measures. Instead, by maintaining a calm and caring approach, the parent and kid develop mutual respect and trust.

Helping children learn to deal with events in a polite, caring manner is the goal of positive parenting. Creating appropriate boundaries enables for open and good communication, self-development, and teaches children respect — for themselves, for you, and for others around them.

What is Positive Parenting?

  • Making the decision to be a positive role model and example of behavior, communicating, and behaving (and reacting) with love and empathy.
  • Limits and boundaries should be set in a healthy and acceptable manner.
  • When limits and boundaries are not respected, you must respond.
  • Keeping track of our own emotions (as parents) and adjusting so that we respond with love and empathy rather than knee-jerk reactions based on anger, annoyance, impatience, or frustration.
  • Praise your child for the behavior you wish to see (Example: when you see your child clean up after themselves without being told, notice and praise them for this positive behavior.)
  • Instead of instructing your child what to do, how to feel, or how to act, pay attention to them.
  • Set clear and fair boundaries that allow your kid to make choices and explore while also enforcing logical and reasonable consequences when necessary.
  • Spanking, slapping, and excessive screaming are all examples of severe and punitive discipline.
  • When parents apologise and say “I’m sorry,” they teach their children respect.
  • Show your children that they are valued by treating them with respect and listening to them.
  • Be sympathetic to your children’s learning and development, and don’t place unreasonable demands on their behavior, attitude, feelings, emotional development, and so on. Know what is acceptable for your children’s age and set your expectations accordingly.

What Positive Parenting Isn’t

  • Saying “excellent work” in response to everything…
  • Gratitude for a task well done by your child.
  • Parenting that is permissive.
  • Allowing your child to make decisions about your family’s dynamics.
  • Setting boundaries and then failing to follow through with no follow-up or action is a recipe for disaster.
  • Taking no action to establish boundaries.
  • Bad and disrespectful behavior is not being addressed.
  • Satisfying your children’s desires, such as buying new toys when they beg for them or giving in when they throw a tantrum.
  • Allowing your child to fail or be disappointed is not an option.
  • Believing that your child has the right to do whatever they want or act in any way they choose.

Positive Parenting Boundaries And Limits

If you can’t set limits and boundaries, your child will learn that happiness comes from stuff, and they’ll be always chasing “what’s next” without any long-term fulfilment.

Youngsters who were not permitted to acquire the ability to identify and manage their emotions as children are unable to properly respond with their words or have soothing techniques at their disposal, according to research.

Emotional intelligence is developed via the development of a healthy relationship characterized by an open conversation about feelings and the variety of emotions that adults and children experience on a regular basis.

Positive parenting reassures children that their parents are in charge (in child development, this is referred to as authoritative parenting style), which is a great source of comfort for young children.

A child who believes they have complete control feels out of control and is unable to manage their emotions and little bodies as a result. Children are afraid of being in control because they are developmentally incapable of handling this much authority.

Kids need to know that the adults in their lives are there to assist them to deal with difficult events and emotions. When a child discovers that they can tell their parents when they’re upset, angry, or pleased, their faith in you grows irreplaceable. 

Consider the long term… Children who have no boundaries in their upbringing will be affected as adults. They will struggle to set boundaries for themselves as adults in the job, with friends, and in relationships.

Using Positive Language to Practice Positive Parenting

Negative language has an influence on children; it causes uncertainty and discouragement, as well as low self-esteem because it makes them feel like they can’t do anything properly. Negative language is difficult for children’s to comprehend because they do not grasp what you want them to quit doing and what you want them to do instead. What is the solution? Positive wording is used.

Negative language has been shown to have a negative impact on children, particularly in terms of the amount of confusion it causes, the internal resistance it causes, and the fact that continued negative language makes children feel discouraged as if they’re always doing something wrong or “being bad.”

Negative language is difficult for children’s to comprehend because they do not grasp what you want them to quit doing and what you want them to do instead.

It’s also depressing to constantly be told “no,” “stop,” or “don’t,” and it may make kids feel that there’s no purpose in trying to do the right thing.

Examples Of Positive Language

  • Stop Crying  –>  Do You Need a Hug?
  • That’s Enough  –>  Let’s Rewind and Try It a Different Way
  • Don’t Be a Quitter  –> That’s A Tough One, Would You Like Help?
  • Stop Running  –> Please Walk
  • Don’t Do That  –> Gentle
  • Don’t Touch Him  –> Let’s Keep Our Hands to Ourselves
  • Stop Whining  –> Please Use Your Words
  • Don’t be Nervous  –> It’s Ok To Feel Nervous, Sometimes I Feel That Way Too
  • Life Isn’t Fair  –> I Know How You Feel, What Can I Do to Help You?
  • No Yelling  –> Let’s Use Our Inside Voice Please
  • Don’t be a Scardy Cat  –> It’s Ok To Feel Scared, I’m Here With You and Will Keep You Safe
  • No Hitting  –> Please be Gentle

You’re not instructing them how to feel or what to do; instead, you’re reacting gently and encouraging them to reframe their own response.

Permissive parenting is not the same as positive parenting. It’s all about establishing acceptable limits and boundaries for your children, as well as teaching them about emotions and behavior in a polite and caring manner.


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